How To Approach Tough Conversations About Care

What’s on this page

The most common statements around care are:

When your parents refuse help, there are several approaches you can take:

Key takeaways

Starting conversations about care can be difficult but is often necessary

Noticing changes in a loved one’s ability to manage safely at home can be confronting. Open conversations help address concerns early and reduce future stress.

Listening to concerns is just as important as offering solutions

Resistance may stem from fears about loss of independence, privacy, cost, or having strangers in the home. Asking open questions helps uncover what’s really worrying them.

Empathy and respect create more productive discussions

Approaching conversations without blame, pressure, or ultimatums, and acknowledging emotions helps loved ones feel heard and respected.

Introducing support gradually can build trust and acceptance

Starting with small steps and staying involved in decision‑making can help your loved one feel more comfortable, supported, and in control of their care journey.

Overview

It can be a difficult situation when you have noticed a decline in your loved one’s ability to care for themselves. While you may think that they may need extra help around the home to keep them safe and well, they may not be so sure.

The most common statements around care are:

“I don’t need help. I can take care of myself”
“I do not want to go into a home”
“Are you saying I am too old?"
"I can still look after myself”

These statements have an element of truth to them at times, but getting help isn’t just about the ability to look after oneself. It is also about enriching the time they have to do the things they love.

When your parents refuse help, there are several approaches you can take:

Ask Questions
It is best to start with hypothetical questions like “how would you feel about hiring a house cleaner” or “getting help to get to your appointments”? Delve into the reasons why they may be apprehensive… they may feel uncomfortable having a stranger in their home or be worried about the cost. Inform yourself so that you can address these concerns as they arise.
Tread Carefully
If you have already had a direct conversation, try a more indirect approach. Maybe talk about other’s experiences with these types of services and how wonderful it was for them. You could also express how some extra help would relieve the worry you may have about them. Or highlight how the extra help would increase their ability to spend more quality time with their children, grandchildren, or friends.
Be Understanding
Remember your parents are adults who have lived full independent lives and should be approached as such. The most important thing is to be empathetic to their situation. This may be a difficult time for you but it is far worse for your loved one. There could be a whole host of reasons and emotions that are making it difficult for them to accept help. It is important to understand these reasons and be sympathetic to them. Make sure you introduce the idea of help and services gradually.